


Don't Give Up On A Dream

by ScullyLovesQueequeg



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Complete, F/M, post-IWTB
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 23:14:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18648082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScullyLovesQueequeg/pseuds/ScullyLovesQueequeg
Summary: Mulder's depression has been causing problems and Scully can't handle it anymore.





	Don't Give Up On A Dream

**Author's Note:**

  * For [agentwhalesong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentwhalesong/gifts).



> This is extremely late, but life hit me very suddenly like a freight truck, and as such, I wasn't able to deliver on time. Nevertheless, I appreciate everyone who supported me, especially Nicole and Valerie. You guys are the bomb dot com.
> 
> The prompt I got was Mulder and Scully broken up, and getting back together with sort of a reference to scene in season 11 when Scully asks Mulder to hold her. I hope I did this fic justice.

During the night, something had changed, though what, Dana Scully couldn’t say. She was not even fully awake, but felt the change regardless, reaching over to confirm her suspicions.

Mulder was gone, and she didn’t know where he went. In another life, one that she had left years ago, it would have brought alarm and fear to her. Now, it just roused a mild annoyance, knowing that he would be gone again, for who knows how long. It was a source of constant contention for them, and still, Mulder would leave without so much as a goodbye.

She hated the guessing games.

She hated being left alone for days on end, with little more than a note on his door, she hated the people at strange hours, selling Mulder stories of ‘something in the woods’. Every time, he lapped them up. And each time, she refused to accompany him. The money was good—it allowed them to live comfortably but he wasn’t around enough to share it. When he was around, he was miserable to deal with. She loved him and understood that the way that things had changed for them was liable to upset him. He was depressed, and Scully blamed herself.

Everyone she spoke to told her to leave him. Still, not one to give up on someone, she waited. Weeks turned into months, and months into years. Marriage was long off the table, and beyond the realm of possibility for them. Mulder got worse, and when he wasn’t off chasing ghosts, he remained in bed, wallowing in self-pity. It kept on like this until suddenly, Scully realized that her kind, and caring ways had caused Mulder to simply self-destruct further. She knew that if he was to get better, she needed to leave. She was only enabling him otherwise.

_“Please don’t leave, you mean so much to me. I promise I’ll change. Please, Scully… don’t go.”_

His words haunted her, and even after moving out and living on her own. She could hear him begging her not to leave. It broke her heart—she remembered packing calmly and answering him flatly, cool and collected until he asked her,

“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” It was the one question she couldn’t answer. So, she stared at him, until he sighed and looked away, unnerved. She continued to pack, and it was only when she was at the door that he begged her to stay.

But it was already too late.

* * *

If she was being honest with herself, she hated leaving Mulder. She loved him with every fiber of her being. The thought of him being alone in the house made her almost want to go back, but she also knew he wouldn’t be there half the time, if he continued the way he was.

These thoughts followed Scully everywhere she went, and settled in the seat across from her office’s desk. Her thoughts curled up like a cat, and she let them stay, knowing that like her grief, she couldn’t quite bring herself to shoo it off the chair.

She had given up and abandoned him.

 _“If you feel that way, you should keep a journal,”_ Scully remembered the couple’s therapist her and Mulder had been seeing suggested. To her, it seemed silly, but she gave it a try, and it proved to be therapeutic. Issues, feelings and things that hadn’t been addressed between her and Mulder spilled forth from her cracked heart, and eventually, she stopped talking to him.

He wouldn’t listen to her regardless.

For the first time since she moved, she decided to open her journal and write.

 _‘I woke up early thinking about him again,’_ Her journal entry began. She continued with, ‘ _How do you move on from someone who is inextricably linked to almost every aspect of your life? I love him, that won’t ever change but sometimes, I wish I didn’t. Loving him isn’t the difficult part. Sometimes, I feel like he doesn’t love me back. I know that isn’t true but I hate that it feels that way because he’s gotten too comfortable with me. It really bothers me that--’_

“Dana, hey,” Came the routine greeting. Scully looked up from her desk, her eyes catching on a picture of herself and Mulder, before she gave her full attention to the new arrival at her office. It was receptionist, a new one at that.

“Hey—Elizabeth, wasn’t it? How are you?” Scully responded, forcing herself to speak. The receptionist smiled, her fingers fidgeting nervously, and she grasped a clipboard to her chest. It was a comical look that would have garnered a remark & a chuckle from the older woman, but Scully didn’t feel like laughing.

“I’m doing fine, thank you for asking, Dr. Scully,” Elizabeth murmured, before adding, “Your 10 o’clock is here. Should I… let them in?”

Scully glanced down at her journal and marked the page before folding it. She didn’t enjoy the interruption, but she also knew that it wasn’t the time to be writing.

“Yes, you can let them in. Thank you,” Scully murmured, and Elizabeth nodded, before walking out. As she walked out, a woman walked in with a small child. The woman seemed tired, not unlike Scully. Scully barely cracked a smile.

“Good morning, I’m here about my daughter. You wanted to meet with me in order to discuss her options in regards to surgery,” The mother started, and Scully nodded, removing her file from a pile that was on her desk.

“I wanted to know what my options were. I know you said that there is a slim chance of any treatment working, but I did some research, and I found out about this new treatment doctors in Michigan are trying. It involves stem cells, and I think that it has a good chance of working on Mia,” The mother said. Scully gave a little sigh, before she answered,

“Mrs. Tillery, I know you want Mia to be better, but that treatment is experimental at best. I don’t really see it as a viable option in regards to what Mia needs,” Scully explained, and the woman sighed.

“Wouldn’t you try everything you could before you gave up on someone you loved? If there’s even a small chance that we can do this without surgery, we should try it… I don’t care about the cost, I want my little girl back to how she was…” The woman pleaded. The words bothered her; even though she knew it wasn’t a personal attack, it felt like one and she thought of Mulder.

_Mulder._

Mulder, who had always been by her side, through the best and worst of times. He stuck by her through cancer, and an abduction, and here she was abandoning him when he needed her the most. It was a wonder he didn't hate her. Scully let out a brief sigh, which the woman interpreted to be a sign that she was considering the treatment.

"If that's what you want to do, I'll look into the things you brought me and do my own research, but I can tell you now, it'll be a long shot." Scully finally answered. The woman nodded.

"All I ask is that you even consider it, for her sake. You're the doctor, but maybe there was something you missed..." The woman handed Scully some folders. She quickly leafed through them before setting it down.

"Other than that, have you seen any changes in Mia?" Scully asked, and the woman shook her head.

"She's still sluggish, and in pain. We're doing the best we can to manage. My husband left, he said he couldn't take the stress, the sadness... so it's just the pair of us."

Another pang of guilt shot through Scully, and she knew that she would be bothered by that all day.

* * *

Later that evening, she arrived at her lonely little apartment.

Her apartment door opened with a loud groaning creak, and before she could even think it, a voice said,

“That thing really needs some WD-40.”

From the living room, Mulder emerged, and Scully closed the door behind her and locked it.

“How did you get in here?” Her tone was not hostile, but it was tense, and Mulder could feel that he wasn’t welcome or expected. He held up the small keyring with her keys attached and the Apollo 11 fob. She had given it to him as a gesture that their goodbye was not permanent. It was conditional on his willingness to get better, and Mulder took it as an admission of defeat--that she was done with him.

“That’s for emergencies,” Scully answered, and Mulder gave her a wry smirk.

“Being out of ice cream _is_ an emergency,” He replied flippantly, and Scully felt herself smile, despite the maelstrom of different emotions threatening to come forth. They both said nothing for a moment before Scully removed her coat and her bag and walked past him to her kitchen. Mulder followed her to the kitchen, hovering by the small table.

“What would you like for dinner?” She asked mechanically, and Mulder frowned, taking a seat, and leaning over the back of his chair.

“Nothing. I could leave if you want. I just…—it’s Thursday.”

Scully glanced over at him, trying to decipher his meaning. It was always a huge game to him. She was tired of his games.

“And? Mulder, look, I’m not in the mood to play guessing games with you. I have things to do.”

“It’s our anniversary,” Mulder said quietly, and Scully turned to face him. She had been rapidly cycling through emotions, like flipping through a catalog, and she settled on one: indignation.

“Anniversaries are for people who are married, which, I’d like to remind you, we aren’t.” Her voice was hurt, and suddenly, something clicked for Mulder.

“I… is that… is that why you left?” He asked, hopeful.

“It’s part of the reason,” Scully said, crossing her arms over her chest. “But it’s not the only reason.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was so important to you. I thought that what we had was good enough. Would you have stayed if I proposed?”

“No, I told you, it wasn’t the only reason. Why now, Mulder? It’s been months since I’ve left…” Scully complained, her fingers curling into a fist. Mulder stood, putting his hand on her fist, causing it to uncurl. Scully looked up at him, her heart aching, wanting so badly to fall into his arms.

“I’m sorry,” He said, speaking lowly, before he leaned in and kissed her. She kissed him back, wanting to lay beside him in bed all night, but she pulled back after a second, turning her face to the side.

“I can’t… I can’t do this with you again,” Scully murmured, and she heard Mulder sigh, before he sat back down.

“I understand. I just wanted to see you. It feels like we haven’t spoke in so long. Everything is just… quiet. I hate it. Everything reminds me of you, and it’s like part of you is still there, with me. It’s just a lot to get used to.” Mulder said, and Scully felt her indignation melt into sympathy, and she moved closer, taking his head in her hands and gently stroking his hair. She felt his arms wrap about her middle, and she felt a deep sense of sorrow settle in her bones.

“I’m sorry,” Scully finally said quietly. Mulder didn’t answer her. He didn’t need to. They remained this way for a little while before finally, Scully pulled away. Mulder lifted his head to give her a smile.

“I’ve been going to therapy,” He said, which caused Scully to smile, but sadly. She had been begging him for months to do something, anything, and he refused. Now that she was gone, he decided to listen.

“That’s good. I wish it didn’t take me leaving for you to gain some sense,” Scully said, moving to fix herself something to eat.

“I’m willing to do whatever I can to get you to come back. Even marriage,” Mulder replied, and Scully closed her eyes, feeling torn.

“I don’t want you to do things to make me happy. It’s not about me. It’s about you. That’s why I left—I was enabling you. I did whatever I could to take care of you, and you were getting worse, and worse. I realized the problem was me—you couldn’t get better if I was there coddling you. That’s why I left. But it’s also, not the only reason,” Scully said, turning to face Mulder once more. “I’m so tired of the games, Mulder. I’m just tired. We aren’t FBI—we don’t need to go chasing shadows in the dark. I don’t like the idea of you being gone for days to chase some stupid lead… this isn’t like it was when we were working together…”

A silence fell between them, and finally, Scully went back to cooking. Mulder watched her, though lost in thought. His attention was absent enough that when Scully set down a plate before him, he was genuinely surprised. She sat across from him and began to eat. Mulder glanced at his food, and something about it made him feel incredibly sad. He began to eat slowly, but it was a sudden realization that gave him pause.

“I’m sorry I showed up unannounced. I… I just miss you. I didn’t realize how much you did for me, and how important you were until suddenly, you were gone. I don’t know why this keeps happening.” He said, his voice wavering. Scully glanced up at him, her brow furrowed.

“I guess that says a lot about you,” Scully remarked, and Mulder sighed, eating his food. The pair of them continued to eat in silence, and when they were done, Mulder asked,

“If I changed… would you reconsider?”

Scully looked at him, but stood, to collect their plates and silverware, before she answered,

“I don’t think it’s possible for you to. Maybe if you could… but I don’t think you’re able to. I think that you get so focused on what you believe needs to be done, you just… you forget everything else.”

Mulder remained silent, taking in her words, before he started to head for the door, grabbing his coat when he passed it in the hallway. Scully followed after him, hovering by the door when he stepped out.

"Sounds like a lot of work," Mulder finally said, looking at her sadly. Scully nodded, but reached out to touch his hand.

"Hey. You're not alone. We're only living in a different space, but I still love you. I promise it's for your own good." Scully said, and Mulder shrugged, letting her hand go. He bid her farewell before he finally left.

* * *

Weeks went by, and she heard from Mulder less and less, until he just stopped talking and Scully feared the worst: that he had moved on. The thought hurt her, but she accepted that it was a possibility. He was a good man, and she knew that anyone would be lucky to have the opportunity to be with him. It made each day all the more harder, until one day, she had a startling realization when she found herself staring at the clock in her office: she was lonely.

She had been waiting on a call from him, having left a message (or two) but she knew that he probably wasn't home. Still, she wanted to see him, to have tangible proof that he was still alive and well. After a brief back and forth with herself, she headed out to the car and and started to drive.

 _‘I really shouldn’t be doing this’,_ Scully thought, looking at the soft glow of her cell phone’s screen. **1:45 AM.** Scully made her way to his front porch, hands in her pockets until she reached the door. She gently knocked, and waited.

‘ _He’s probably sleeping or not home, he probably—’_

The door opened suddenly, and Scully found herself face to face with Mulder, who looked as though he _had_ been sleeping. Scully pulled her jacket around her tighter.

“…keys don’t work?” Mulder’s voice was heavy with sleep, and she instantly regret her decision to come over.

“I… I didn’t know if you maybe… had someone over or… if you were even here. …can I come in?” Scully asked nervously. The corner of Mulder’s mouth rose briefly to denote that he was not at all upset with her, but the gesture on his tired features made Scully feel even bad for even asking. Mulder stepped aside to let her in the house and Scully slipped in, feeling almost like a stranger.

The first thing that Scully noticed was that the house was clean. It was cleaner than she expected it to be, and the surprise must have shown on her features because Mulder said,

“The doctor says it’ll help with making me feel better. I don’t know if it’s been working but it takes my mind off things.”

Scully glanced over at him and smiled, almost shyly. Even though he was half asleep, she still thought he looked good.

“What about exercise?” Scully asked, approaching him. Her hand slid over the thin fabric that separated her from his bare skin, and she could feel his muscles tense. Something about that caused a fluttering in her gut but she ignored it.

She missed that part of him, too.

“I’m managing, I mean, I do stuff here and there to keep in shape.” He shrugged, and Scully moved her hand from his chest to his face, gently guiding his wandering eyes back to hers. Her other hand took his and she squeezed it as she kissed him softly. When they broke the kiss, Scully found herself wanting to curl up in his arms and stay there.

“I’m glad to hear you’re listening to your doctor, finally,” She said, her eyes looking around. Mulder said nothing, but when she glanced back at him, he was smiling at her.

“What was it that was so important, you couldn’t wait until tomorrow to tell me? Or is this just a late night hook up?” He asked, in a teasing manner. Scully glanced away, a little embarrassed. She hadn’t thought of it when she was driving there, but it did come off as one.

“I… I didn’t really consider the time. I just… I just wanted to see you. You came to see me, and told me I could come by any time I felt lonely. I… was feeling lonely and I just wanted to see if you wanted company.” Scully nervously fiddled with her fingers, unsure why it was that she feared his reaction to this admission.

“I was actually sleeping for once. I was planning on maybe doing that again. So… I’m not up for a guest right now, but… the bed is pretty big and I’m certainly not using all the space, so you’re welcome to join me. You left some clothes here. This is still your home—our home.” Mulder said, and Scully threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly, almost wanting to cry. She missed him so badly.

“Okay,” She whispered, burying her face in his neck. She felt his arms wrap around her, and very suddenly, she felt him lift her. She let out a surprised gasp and let Mulder carry her upstairs to their bedroom. After he set her down, he climbed back into bed, clearly pretty tired. Scully followed suit after putting on a shirt of his and some shorts. She loved the feeling of being in his things.

“Good night, Scully.” She heard Mulder say after she turned out the light.

“Good night, Mulder… just… one last thing…” Scully murmured, feeling small. She gently tugged the cord on the lamp beside the bed, and sat with her knees drawn up.

“Hmm?” She could hear Mulder already dancing the line between sleep and wakefulness.

“Can you hold me?” She asked, looking at his silhouette in the darkness. She couldn’t see his face but she saw that he lifted an arm and pat the mattress with his other—a gesture for her to join him. Feeling small, Scully did just that, before feeling him embrace her from behind. A feeling of calm washed over her, and she whispered,

“…Fox, I… love you.”

She waited to hear his response, but he was quiet. She could feel his steady breathing in the way that his chest moved against her back, gently rising and falling. He had fallen asleep, she guessed, and closed her eyes to do the same when she heard his reply,

“I love you too. Thank you for giving me another chance. I hope you decide to think about coming back.”

Scully smiled to herself, knowing that despite their issues, Mulder had her heart.

“Only if you promise to help me move my stuff back,” Scully said softly, and she felt Mulder embrace her even tighter.

“It’s a deal.”


End file.
